tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114341568105527452.post5140717962123934973..comments2024-01-19T01:07:34.538-08:00Comments on Poetry for Kids Joy: UCKY EYESJoyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01825251724115541708noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114341568105527452.post-50310351396324479962013-10-23T13:47:34.290-07:002013-10-23T13:47:34.290-07:00Joy,
I hope we get a chance to see the revision la...Joy,<br />I hope we get a chance to see the revision later. When is Poetry for Kids Joy Revision Day/Week/Month? Linda A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16517546647672781332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114341568105527452.post-64364677671239503922013-10-23T11:35:17.323-07:002013-10-23T11:35:17.323-07:00Thank you Linda, you're right as usual. I can...Thank you Linda, you're right as usual. I can do better than that line "I love my brother." I'll work on this some more.Joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01825251724115541708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114341568105527452.post-45190674853810491612013-10-22T16:52:41.278-07:002013-10-22T16:52:41.278-07:00Joy,
The changes you suggest sound helpful. In th...Joy,<br />The changes you suggest sound helpful. In the 3rd stanza could you show that your little brother doesn't know better. Don't say you love him. Instead, say something like he stared. Show us what he's like. Good luck! Linda A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16517546647672781332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4114341568105527452.post-24688747577670109662013-10-22T13:53:06.213-07:002013-10-22T13:53:06.213-07:00Hey, I think I figured out what to do about the se...Hey, I think I figured out what to do about the second stanza. The meter was off, so I knew I would need to take the whole stanza apart to get what I wanted in the stanza in the right rhythm. In looking at the stanza, the important information for me was the visit from the sandman. I didn't want to loose that. Then it dawned on me, if I title the poem SANDMAN VISIT, I've got that and I can drop the second stanza for a shorter, tighter poem. I think having the jump to the brother come earlier helps and it gets the reader to the punch line of this poem faster. Now if I start with the third stanza, then the first and last, I think the poem holds together better. What do you think? Joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01825251724115541708noreply@blogger.com