WORKING WITH RHYTHM

     On yesterday's post of my poem SNAKE SNACKS I mentioned that the meter was off in a few places.  I said I'd show you a nifty way to work on that.  Does your computer have a spread sheet program?  If not you can make yourself a grid sheet of boxes like a spread sheet.  Use one row of the grid for each line of your poem.  Put the un-accented syllables in lower case and the accented words in UPPER CASE.  This will quickly let you see if you are forcing any of the words into unusual accents and you'll see if your line lengths are uniform.  It also makes it a lot easier to count the metrical feet in each line.

Here is what I did using the spread sheet with my poem.  See where the problems are?  Then once you can see the problems, it is a lot easier to fix them.

my	PET	snake	if this is an iambic line snake is unaccented.
i	CALL	him	DRAKE	IAMBIC
he	LIKES	to	EAT	my	SNACKS.	iambic
he	EATS	my	CHEESE	See how this line matches line2?
he	EATS	my	NUTS
he	EATS	all
my	PEA	nut	BUTT	er	CRACK	ers.
my	SNACKS	he	SAYS
are	de	LISH	us	See the problem?
lip	SMACK	ers

So your challenge for today is to take one of your poems and try putting it into a spread sheet.  If this sounds like too much trouble for a Sunday, write a poem instead and save this idea for another day.  But I must say it is fun to put the words into the little boxes.  Sooner or later you have got to try it.

Robyn Hood Black, Children's Poet

     All my friends know how much I love, love, love THE POETRY FRIDAY ANTHOLOGY, compiled by Sylvia Vardell and Janet Wong.

 

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     So many of the poems in the book make me laugh and give me ideas for writing my own poems.  One of my favorite poems in the book is by Robyn Hood Black. 

      With Robyn's permission, I'm sharing  her poem, Snack Rules with you.

SNACK RULES

Don't talk with your mouth full--

full of peanut butter.

Anything you try to say

will cmmm out as a mmmttrr.

Copyright © 22012 by Robyn Hood Black. Used with permission of the author. All rights reserved.

     When I first read her poem SNACK RULES, my eyes played a trick on me and I read the title as SNAKE RULES and I thought it was the funniest thing to think of a snake with his mouth stuck shut with peanut butter.  When I wrote to Robyn and told her of my mis-sight, she suggested that I write the poem I thought I saw.  Or rather she said something like I always did have a thing for snakes.  (She is right, I've written about them often.)

    So I did.  But when I got done I changed the title to:

SNAKE SNACKS

My pet snake,

I call him Drake,

likes to eat my snacks.

He eats the cheese,

he eats the nuts,

he eats all my

peanut butter crackers.

My snacks,

He says

are delicious

lip-smackers.

The only problem,

it happened quick,

the peanut butter

made him sick.

They made his lips

like glue stick.

Now instead of h-i-s-s-s-s-s

my pet snake hics.

A snake with hiccups

could cause fright.

His hic-ing keeps me up

all through the night.

     I'll admit that the rhythm is off in a couple of places, and if you come back tomorrow, I'll show you a nifty way I found for working with that. (I hope.)
     Your poetry prompt for today is to think of an animal and write a poem about something that happens to it.  What happens when the birds eat lemons, or the bear uses honey on his coat, or the dog rolls in the mud, or the hamster eats all your jellybeans?  Can you find an animal that sets your imagination running?  Happy Saturday.  Have fun playing with your poem.

     Thank you, Robyn for sharing your poem with us and for stimulating my creativity.