the sand
drops
slowly
grain
by grain
never
to drop
again
toward
the end
sand begins
to spin
racing out
the narrow bend
of the hourglass
again
I've always been fascinated by hourglasses and three minute timers. Far more fascinated than shaking an watching snow globes. Happy Sunday. Someone once made the comment that the difference between prose and poetry, is that the poet gets to control the length of the line. Wish I knew who said it, I'd give him credit. But it is all about choices and the poet gets to make lots of them. In this poem I made the choice not to use punctuation. It wasn't laziness, but the poet's choice to emphasize the meaning of each word I have carefully selected to go with this subject matter. But, even as I have gotten this far with the poem, I'm wondering if I could convey even more meaning with the metaphor, if I tried to make this into a concrete poem.
the gritty sand
drops slowly
grain by
grain
never
to drop
again
to-
ward
the end
the sand
begins to spin
racing out the
narrow glass bend
of the hourglass again
What do you think? There is more tweaking to do, so I'm having fun. There is so much work to do.
I know, your challenge for today is to think of a tool you use and compare it to an animal to make your own metaphor. Can you write a poem today with a simile or metaphor in it?
Ooooh - Love how this one makes the reader
ReplyDeletes-l-o-w down and contemplate single grains of sand. Well done. And I like the fun with the concrete shape aspect, though it reads perfectly fine the first way as well. Thanks for sharing!
BRAVO!
ReplyDeleteI vote for the second one!! It's a great example of a concrete poem
ReplyDeleteOh gosh, I must have been tired after a busy weekend. Did you catch my error in using you're for your? I've got it fixed now but I'm sure there are still other errors.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your help with this poem.
Oh, that's a lovely poem, Joy.
ReplyDelete