Quail bob across the road, scurrying to
and fro.
Sun is out as they rush about, little for them
to fear.
They eat all along the way, tasting as
they go.
We watch head feathers dip, wonder what
they know.
Little chicks trail behind, follow in
the rear.
Quail bob across the road, scurrying to
and fro.
Sun keeps rising higher, desert life's
a show.
Mother quail calling, her clicking
can you hear?
They eat all along the way, tasting as
they go.
Scratching seeds, we watch the young
chicks grow,
and listen to their coo-coo ringing in
our ear.
Quail bob across the road, scurrying to
and fro.
A hawk sees feathers bob in the sunlit
glow.
Chaos as the covey breaks, dashing like
a deer.
Quail bob across the road, scurrying to
and fro.
They eat all along the way, tasting as
they go.
I've been working on poems for the very young all week and felt like I wanted to try something a little harder to flex a little poetic muscle, so I pulled out my HANDBOOK OF POETIC FORMS. The Villanelle is the penultimate form listed in that book. (Since I'm left-handed, I often start reading books from the back.) I have the rhyme pattern for this form down. Now I need to do some more polishing to get the line lengths right, and I need to find another word to use instead of so many bob's. I'm open to your suggestions.
What forms do you like to try? Can you name the form for the poem you'll write today?
Have fun writing and I hope you have a great weekend. Stay warm.
The POETRY FRIDAY Roundup is at A TEACHING LIFE today. Thanks for hosting all the children's poets.
The POETRY FRIDAY Roundup is at A TEACHING LIFE today. Thanks for hosting all the children's poets.
Nice villanelle, Joy! A couple of suggestions for you...For your extra "bob" ("A hawk sees feathers bob in the sunlit glow") -- how about changing "bob" to "flash"? That would echo "dash." You might want to make it "dashing like deer," instead of "dashing like a deer." Have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteTabatha,
DeleteThank you for your comments. I appreciate your help. I'm glad for your opinion on the "a deer." I put in and took out that one letter about four times. I'll go back and sit with that again.
I so hesitated with even posting this unfinished poem, wasn't even sure it was appropriate for children, so thank you for making me feel OK about just putting it out there. I really appreciate you.
Nice images, Joy, and good for you for tackling a villanelle. I'm weird enough to love the form. (I like, "wonder what they know" - :0) ) Good luck as you revise - great potential!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Robyn,
DeleteI'm working now to make sure I have the same number of feet in each line. Boy, is this a lot of work, but I am having fun with it and after a week of very short verses, I'm enjoying the mental challenge.
I'm coming to your house for tea, it looks like fun.
Oh, how I know these silly quail! "They eat all along the way, tasting as they go." - ain't it so?
ReplyDeleteLove that you challenge yourself with villanelle. I see the "villain" in this form - haven't been able to master it. Thanks for sharing your poem. =)
Thanks Bridget.
DeleteI know that you'll want to try this form soon, so let-er rip. Have a great weekend.
I love villanelles - they can be so rhythmic and lyrical! You know, quail are also known as bobwhites, so perhaps you can play off 'bob?'
ReplyDeleteAh, Matt,
DeleteThank you for your comment, BUT "bobwhite" is the common name for (Colinus virginianus) the Northern Bobwhite, or the Masked Bobwhite--neither of which has the distinctive head feather. The quail that I see are all Gambel's Quail (Callipepla gambelii) or California Quail (Callipepla californica). And, instead of the two note "bob-white" call, our desert varieties make a three note chirp that sounds like "qua-quer' go," or Roger Tory Peterson's Field Guide says it sounds like "Chicago." They also make lots of light clucking noises and when concerned about their territory, the males make a loud "kurr" sound.
See, there is so much research that goes into writing our children's poems. Most of it never sees the page, but I do like to keep my field guides to Western plants, animals and birds handy so I can use a proper name if the occasion arises.
As I am known for repeating, "It isn't about the rabbits; it's about de-tails."
Thanks for leaving your comment. I wouldn't have had the opportunity to share this without you.
I'm curious about how you plan out your rhymes and lines in this form...or do you just follow where it leads you? Either way...wow.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mary Lee.
DeleteThe hardest part for me in working with the villanelle form is finding two rhyming lines that are worth repeating several times in the poem without sounding redundant. In this poem since the quail, or as Bridget said "silly quail" are so ubiquitous in our landscape, I felt the poem could support their constantly showing up.
I started out just trying to write the poem one line at a time, but got stuck in the third stanza. So, I then made an outline and filled in the repetitive lines. It was then saw that I needed to do some restructuring, moving lines around and changing others to keep to the rhyme scheme. Another problem with the villanelle is you need to choose end rhymes with big families. Normally I would pick an "ight" for my end rhymes, I love that family and over use it.
But, for this poem I did start by using my birthday poet Theodore Roethke's poem THE WAKING, for a model, and you can see that many of my end rhymes mimic his.
I said I was hungry for a little mental gymnastics and this poem did give me a workout--I'm still having fun polishing this puppy.
So there you have it. Thanks for asking.
I always admire all attempts to follow a form ... so challenging!
ReplyDeleteMy idea is re. this line:
"Mother quail calling, her clicking can you hear?"
What about something using "here" instead of "hear", since she is calling them to her?
Have fun!
Karen,
DeleteThanks for the excellent suggestion. and thanks for your help. I appreciate it.
I love those little Gambel's quail, saw them often when I traveled to Arizona & Sonora with students, Joy. This is very cute. I don't know exactly how many syllables you need, but I was going to suggest that in the first line of the last verse (what Tabatha commented on) you use 'rise and fall' instead of 'bob', but I like Tabatha's 'flash' better. If you need more syllables, perhaps it can be 'flashing'? Thanks for the challenge to help. I'll see about writing one now that you've shown me a model!
ReplyDelete