WINTER'S BREATH

I'm being lazy today.  I'm way from home to attend my sister's birthday party and so I've been helping her, and seeing lots of family (instead of writing,) so, today's poem is one I felt compelled to write in response to a poem I read written by Jane Yolen.  Her poem included the phrase winter's breath  and I loved the thought of personifying winter to make it a real person.  And although I have been fortunate NOT to have suffered from the cold chills and ills experienced by friends and relatives in the North East, I still feel for all those folks shoveling snow and trying to stay warm.


Do you feel winter's breath
blowing down your neck
under the scarf
you have wrapped
to muffle your mouth?

Do you feel its heartbeat
rising in chilling pounds
through the soles
of your winter boots,
collecting at ankles and knees?

Do you hear its tingles
racing in icy blocks
up fingers encased, trapped
in winter's woolen mittens?

Do you taste its strength
in the weight pressing
upon your chest,
upon your shoulders,
from its heavy winter coat?

Winter's weight knocking
us down, holding captive
while we wait to be lifted
in the bright yellow shine
of trumpeting daffodils.



    This poem has a lot of gerunds in it--those 'ing' ending words.  That is something I will look at when I revise this poem.  Did you notice the possessive its without an apostrophe?  That is one of the tricky possessives in the English language.  What are some of the things you look for when you revise your work?  How many "senses" can you find in this poem?
   Your poetry challenge for today is to take one of your old poems and revise it.  Try to include more "senses" in your revision.  Have fun working on your poem.